Red Wine and Mushroom Chicken

I’ve got a recipe for you today!

I don’t know why but the last two weeks have really dragged me down. I’ve been struggling to stay atop of my overly ambitious schedule (I believe I’ve mentioned it before, see my MO for more details), and got behind one day about two weeks ago and just haven’t been able to catch up. I’m thinking maybe – maybe – on this Friday I’ll catch up. It would be amazing. But actually also this week I did do my first rough draft of my personal statement! 🎉🎉🎉 Yes, this is Big News. Continue reading

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Life: Untitled

This week I don’t have any thoughts for you really. Fresh out. Although I did make a really tasty cioppino last week, and yesterday I made red wine chicken with mushrooms, onions, thyme, and chard

. It was glorious. Everything smelled so buttery, it was like I could bathe in the air. Good eats are in my future.

I wrote my psych shelf exam a few days ago, which went fine I think. Only two more shelf’s (shelves?) left! So excited. Only 12 more weeks left of third year! And 4 more board exams to slay. 2 sets of applications. Thinking about all this gives me so much anxiety 😬 so basically I’m just going to try not to think about it 😂 I got my schedule today for the next 6 weeks and I’m really hoping that I have some time in the afternoons/evenings so that I can ramp up my studying a little. I know my first written board exam isn’t until August but there’s so much to know. And I have made a doozy of a study schedule, with like 8 different resources (which you’re not supposed to do), several different question banks (also not supposed to do), and no planned days off. Sigh. Ambition gets me a 6 page study plan and no days off! I’ve technically been studying since October of last year, if you include studying for all the shelves, but I KNOW there’s so much I don’t know. Slow and steady wins the race….SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!! Ha. Tell that to the turtle. 🐢

I also need to book in time to write my personal statement (that beast), and to research programs to apply to. Those are things I’ll do in “””my down time”””. So many quotation marks because that’s such a ridiculous concept, down time…ha! Although post-exam last week I did *make* some downtime, and got a cute new do; 8 inches of hair, sayonara, see ya never. In other news of things to be snuck into the schedule, I started going to a running group a few weeks ago and I also started going to the Miami H3! If you don’t know what that is, then you don’t deserve to know 😎 I actually had so much fun on the last hash that I’ve decided I’m going to aggressively friend all of these people and that will be that. I also have to pencil that into my schedule.

Anyway I’ll end this before I start panicking about all the planning. Gaze upon this most epic breakfast combo I treated myself to: a breakfast sandwich with a perfectly runny yolk, garlic aioli, and custom-heat-level hot sauce on an everything bun and a Thai iced coffee with enough condensed milk to satisfy even my sweet tooth! (Do you see the smiley face in the coffee? Even it’s happy about all the condensed milk! 😝)

Healthy Oatmeal Breakfast Cookies

Healthy cookies! Kind of an oxymoron, right? WRONG! Ha, gotcha.

I’ve been on the lookout for a healthy breakfast cookie for ages (I hate mornings, more-or-less, and I’m always hungry and looking for something quick to eat), and haven’t had time to experiment since my initial, disastrous foray into the breakfast cookie world (unclear what went wrong but I think it was the buckwheat flour – we have since parted ways. I was trying to limit the amount of oats I used, since I usually have oatmeal for breakfast anyways, but then came to the realization that I probably don’t eat enough oatmeal to say no to an oaty breakfast cookie. I’m not tryna cut off my nose to spite my face!). Continue reading

This Isn’t a Food Post Either

So…medical school. It turns out that’s pretty hard. Who knew? And I don’t just mean the learning. Oh god, the learning. So much learning. Which bone goes where, which muscle gets hurt. When you ultrasound, when you X-ray, when you MRI. When you do nothing. When you go to surgery. What kind of fluids you give. Which antibiotics are allowed. Which aren’t. It’s actually never ending. And yet, that’s not what I’m talking about. The hardest part about medical school, at least for me, has been the emotional toll. The stress. The loneliness. The finding of friends, and then the losing of them. The slowly dimming realization that at the end of the day, there are so few people I can rely on, and that really, the only person left, is me. What if I’m not good enough for what I want to do? What if, even if I try my best and try my hardest, I still flop? I’m sure many of my peers will echo these sentiments, to some degree. We all worry about our future, especially those of us at foreign medical schools. The future is scary, there is no doubt. Sometimes it seems like the stress is almost unbearable. There are people I’ve talked to about this, people who I know understand, and for them I am grateful – I know they know what I feel, for they feel the same. The loneliness, the stress, the wonder will I be good enough, where is the light at the end of the tunnel, is there even a light? And then there’s people I wished I could have talked to about this, because I know with their help and guidance, this would have been easier. The lightening of loads, and all that. That’s probably what has made this year so hard – the loss of friendships that I relied on. The loss is felt keenly, but, when all is said and done, we are left with what we have, and we have to pick ourselves up, shake off the dust, and do what we can to succeed. Do our best to achieve our dreams. Friendships and relationships are important, yes – we are by our very nature social, familial, pack animals – but our drive, our effort, our passion all comes from within and from no one else. People can support me, yes, and I don’t discount how important that is, but only I can make my dreams a reality. Only I can be my driving force.

I really do believe this is the dark before the light (literally could I be talking any more like Batman), but I never realized it would be this dark. And damn, everyone I know knows I’m struggling. I have to trust in my decisions, in my choices, in my effort, my hard work, my blood, sweat, tears. For me, that is the absolute hardest part. Not everything I’ve put effort into has worked. Not everything I’ve tried has been a success. I feel like if you start saying things like, I’m owed this, or I deserve that, you start getting into deep water – what is owe? What did you do to deserve this that someone else didn’t?

Sometimes I feel like we are here for a reason. Maybe I was meant to take this path. Maybe I was meant to struggle (seriously all I do is struggle, the struggle is so real sometimes I just can’t even #GettingLostInTheParkadeFor20Minutes). I know that’s superstitious AF, but fine, you caught me. But then other times, I realize how ridiculous that sounds – what is the point of free will, of choice, if everything that is going to happen is already meant to happen and therefore logically will just happen? I go in circles in my mind a lot…and then I tell myself I don’t have time for circles and I need to study ob/gyn. So really, I think the best way forward – the way I aspire to and yet lose sight of all the time – is to just ignore it all. Ignore all the crap, the stress, the distractions. People come, and they go. Mourn them but don’t dwell on it (easy for you to say…). My goal here is not to be everyone’s friend, not to make everyone love me, not to make everyone feel safe or comfortable or help them achieve their dreams. My goal is to be a leader. To know everything I can possibly fit inside my head. To be better than my peers. To help them succeed, of course yes, but not at the cost of my own success. My goal is to become the best f***ing surgeon I can be. Will be. WILL BE. Everything else, is just not as important. This is not a Disney movie. I am not falling for the prince, or the frog, or the knight, or the street urchin. Right now, my career is more important to me. In the meanwhile, I have made important, lasting friendships that I would not give up for anything, but for right now, I come first. This is something I constantly need to remind myself of, so here it is. In writing, no less! I can and will succeed. We will succeed. The light is coming, folks, even thought we can’t see it. The loneliness is real, the struggle is real, but in the end, we shall overcome – this too shall pass. Etc etc.

Over and out,

Batman

Let’s Get Physical

Usually this is a blog about food (did the title give it away?) but I’d like to post about the anti-food: that’s right, exercise. Obviously we all need some and hopefully we all get some. [Disclaimer: I am definitely writing this post after scarfing down donuts. Not donut, but multiple donuts. So many good ones: coconut dulce de leche, chocolate potato chip, peanut butter, Nutella bacon. I’ll repeat that one: Nutella. Bacon. I cut them into thirds okay, I had to share them, but dayuuuuym they were good 🤤🤤. No shame and no regrets. Donuts are life, yo.]

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